Caring for a Loved One with Dementia: Jack’s Personal Journey
Dementia is a journey that profoundly impacts not only individuals living in care who are diagnosed with the condition but also their families and communities.
As we observe Dementia Action Week, it’s crucial to shed light on what dementia entails, dispel misconceptions, highlight available support resources, and discuss warning signs that you and your loved ones can look out for.
As reported by Alzheimer’s Disease International, someone in the world develops dementia every 3 seconds however many are not prepared for the initial shock of a family member receiving a diagnosis.
In this Homelium article, we sit down with Jack Harris who bravely opens up about his story of finding himself in a rewarding situation whilst caring for his Grandmother who was diagnosed with Alzhemier’s disease.
The Diagnosis and Initial Impact
Around seven or eight years ago, Jack’s world shifted dramatically when his Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
Jack was in college at the time, and was preparing to head to university the following year, when he received the news.
It was hard for Jack to describe the initial shock and heartache of learning that someone he loved so dearly had been afflicted with such a cruel disease.
The diagnosis came with a grim foresight of the inevitable deterioration, and it was particularly tough knowing he would be leaving for university soon.
Striving for Connection
Despite being away at university, Jack made it a priority to return home at least once a week.
His biggest fear was that his Grandmother would forget him too quickly.
Each visit was a mission to create joyful and comforting moments—taking her shopping, going for drives, and playing endless games of dominoes.
These activities were small gestures, but they meant the world in maintaining Jack’s connection with his Grandmother and ensuring her happiness and comfort.
Transition to a Care Home
Only two years after her diagnosis, we faced the heart-wrenching decision to move Gran into a care home.
Her safety was paramount, and it had become dangerous for her to live alone—she often wandered off, and we couldn’t always find her promptly.
Moving her to a dementia specialist care home was a difficult decision, but Jack’s family knew it was necessary to ensure her safety and well-being.
“His biggest fear was that his Grandmother would forget me too quickly.”
The Challenges of the Pandemic
The pandemic added another layer of difficulty.
Restrictions resulted in Jack’s family not being able to visit their Grandmother as often as they would have liked, and the isolation was hard on her.
Visiting someone who once called him their “best pal” and seeing them unable to communicate was one of the toughest experiences for Jack.
Despite these challenges, they persisted in finding ways to stay connected and comfort her.
Building Trust and Rapport
From the outset, building trust and maintaining rapport with his Grandmother was crucial.
Jack’s Grandmother never fully accepted her diagnosis, often responding with, “I don’t have that,” whenever it was mentioned.
To support her, they focused on maintaining her routine and helping her with activities she loved.
Their family dog, a little Westie, played a significant role in this.
Sharing the dog between their homes and eventually letting his Grandmother keep the dog full-time provided a comforting constant in his Grandmother’s life.
Regular communication was also key. Frequent phone calls and visits helped Gran feel secure and supported.
Jack’s family ensured she knew she could rely on them for anything, reinforcing her trust and comfort.
Facing Specific Challenges
One of the most significant challenges for Jack and his family was ensuring his Grandmother’s safety in her last months at home.
She often wandered off, and without a mobile phone, finding her became a frantic task.
Jack’s family installed home carers for daily visits, but she often didn’t recognise them and wouldn’t let them in.
Jack even took measures like turning off the oven at the mains to prevent fire hazards.
Eventually, recognising the increasing risks, they decided a care home was the safest place for her.
“One of the most significant challenges for Jack and his family was ensuring his Grandmother’s safety in her last months at home.”
Creating a Safe and Supportive Environment
Creating a safe and supportive environment involved making his Grandmother’s new surroundings as familiar as possible.
They brought her personal items – photos, ornaments, and reminders of our dog – to her new home.
Little gestures, like a personalised photo card or a teddy bear resembling our dog, helped maintain her connection to their family.
Constant communication was another pillar of support. Regular visits, phone calls, and personalised cards ensured she never felt abandoned, reinforcing her sense of security and love.
Balancing Family Needs
Balancing the needs of his Grandmother with those of their family was challenging yet rewarding.
Family outings became shared experiences with his Grandmother, ensuring we spent quality time together.
They often visited places like Morecambe, enjoying ice cream and walks along the waterfront.
Balancing university life with visits to his Grandmother was particularly tough, but Jack continued to make it work, knowing their moments together were precious.
The Importance of Patience
Patience was vital in caring for his Grandmother, especially regarding her personal care.
Convincing her to bathe or allow her toenails to be trimmed required gentle persistence and a bit of humour.
For instance, Jack’s father would distract her with jokes while he worked alongside his mother to manage her hygiene needs.
These small acts of patience and humour were crucial in maintaining her dignity and comfort.
Effective Communication Strategies
As his Grandmother’s condition worsened, verbal communication became minimal.
They found alternative ways to connect, like playing dominoes or engaging in simple, familiar games.
Patience and understanding were essential, especially when she became emotional or unresponsive.
They learned to adapt their interactions to ensure she felt comfortable and loved.
Promoting Independence and Dignity
Promoting his Grandmother’s independence while ensuring her safety was a delicate balance.
They adapted her home environment, removing potential hazards and enlisting home carers to help her maintain a semblance of independence.
When it was no longer safe for her to live alone, they transitioned her to a care home that specialises in dementia care, ensuring she received the round-the-clock support she needed.
Navigating Challenging Behaviours
Jack’s Grandmother’s behaviour could be unpredictable and challenging.
There was a period when she would pack bags daily, convinced she was moving in with us.
Rather than arguing, we patiently unpacked and reassured her repeatedly.
Navigating these behaviours required immense patience and empathy, always focusing on her happiness and comfort.
Reflections
Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is a journey filled with emotional highs and lows.
It’s about finding joy in small moments, ensuring safety and comfort, and maintaining a connection despite the challenges.
Jack’s experience with his Grandmother taught me the profound importance of patience, love, and unwavering support in navigating the complexities of Alzheimer’s care.
